Just when I thought I was a Betty Shredder, I discovered that I'm just a fragile old Spore (Stupid Person On Rental Equipment). And a sore old spore at that. Here's how it went down.

Lana and I met on Lewis Street in Pagosa Springs. Saturday, March 13 was Lana's turn to drive up to Wolf Creek Ski Area for our 2nd Ladies Snowboard Lesson. We got up there a little early and started the lesson at 9:30 am to avoid 40 other Newbies taking snowboard lessons at 10 am. Yeah, the Spring Breakers were here.

"The snow is harder and slicker today", Leslie warned us. I wondered how much people are supposed to tip snowboard instructors. What's the etiquette? We went directly to the Nova Chair and started practicing the one-footed, fly-swatting dismount. Well, at least that's how I think of it. But the first couple dismounts were fine and we practiced the heel side floating leaf. Leslie kept repeating, "Really, it's OK, you're doing fine!"

And just that fast, the rest of the Newbies arrived at the Nova Lift. Now, we had to ride double. Now, we had other Newbies, splayed out on the off ramp like Bolling Pins. At first, I dismounted the lift OK and we went on to practice flipping over, onto our bellies, getting up onto our knees, and then, up, onto our toe-side edge. We came down the hill practicing the toe edge floating leaf. The hardest part about this was looking downhill because you're back is to the fall-line, so you have to look, backwards, over your shoulder. Still, it was fun and I got the feel of my toe side edge.

So I was feeling hopeful, yeah, even confident, not quite yet a Betty, when I went Splat. It was the getting off the chair lift and trying not to hit another Newbe that caused the really hard fall. I had to focus on breathing, to keep from crying. After that my tail bone really hurt. Well, I thought it hurt until I had to sit down to click into my rear binding. Yikes! Who knew I had a funny bone in my butt? A sharp, stabbing pain shot up my spine and I was done for the day. I wonder if they prescribe medicinal marijuana for this? But then I'd have to see a Doctor, yuck. Oh well, I'll just have to use my usual pain-killer, vodka.

And so, I now need to decide if I should go to the 3rd Lesson, tomorrow, Sat Mar 20. I'm mostly OK, except when I sit on the floor and try to roll back, like do a rolley-polley, I still get a suck-in-your-breath, stabbing pain in the tail bone. I better take an injury time-out.

But I'm not giving up. Wolf Creek Ski Area closes on April 4, but will open again the next two weekends. I plan to use some time at the end of March and the beginning of April to try again to be an old lady Shredding Betty.

Snowboard Lesson at Wolf Creek Ski Area

And so, my friend Lana and I drove up to Wolf Creek Ski Area on Sat Mar 6, 2010 for our snowboarding lesson. I'm a NEWBI so I felt really stupid in the Snowboard Rental Hut when I couldn't figure which strings and cables to pull to tighten up my boots. And then I had to pick which foot would go in front. Since I jump over a fence right leg up and left leg pushing off, I decided that my right leg should be in front. Lana had decided on her right leg too. There's a special name for women who ride the snowboard with the right leg in front: GONADS. Or was it some other G-word?

Anyway, we hiked out to the Teaching Pen and met Leslie, our instructor. After we practiced the specific techniques of falling, safely, forward and backward, Leslie introduced us to our snowboard. I felt like I was meeting a new Mother-in-Law. I was supposed to keep my body balanced and centered in it's equilateral triangle, over the board. If I leaned the tiniest bit to the right or left....Bam!!! Whack!! Yep, this is exactly how it felt around my in-laws. I even had to be careful about which way my head was pointed. But, there was a difference between my mother-in-law and my snowboard: my snowboard was much more flexible. And then, I kept wondering, maybe I should have put my left foot forward, so I could call myself REGULAR, instead of..... What was that word? Oh yeah, GOOBER. Or was it another G-word?

The 2- hour lesson was great and Leslie was a wonderful instructor. We practiced shuffling along, right foot strapped to the board, left foot pushing. I think she called it skating. Then we practiced heel and toe J-turns with the forward foot strapped in but the back foot set just in front of the back binding. Actually, I mostly only fell when I lost control and started going too fast. Luckily, the snow at Wolf Creek Ski Area is very soft. Still, I kept wondering if my left foot should be forward. Maybe I was NORMAL instead of, what was the word? GOOMBAH?

Then we went to the Nova Lift and this was the scariest part of the lesson. Getting on and off a chair lift with your mother-in-law attached to your foot was not going to be easy! But, actually, it turned out to be easier than I thought. I kept my chin up, and believed Leslie and trusted my body to know what to do. And the third time off the chair lift, I stayed up! We practiced going down the hill, slowly, on our heels. This was all about keeping my knees bent and my body centered over my board. This was hard because I tend to lean forward and throw my arms around. Maybe, if I had my left foot forward MY ARMS WOULD STAY DOWN. What's that word? GOOFUS?

It's been a couple of days since the lesson and I don't have whip lash or any sore body parts, well, other than the usual gas pains and arthritis . Lana and I are really looking forward to our second snowboarding lesson, which will be next Sat Mar 13. I guess I'll keep my right foot forward.... And I finally remember the word for right foot forward: GOOFY!